You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
