mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
