there's paper in my vomit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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