so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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