smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
