i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
