hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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