I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
