Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
