dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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