My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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