all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
