How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think people are normalizing furries
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
