so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
