Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
