I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
