I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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