Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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