There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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