alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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