She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
