what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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