walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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