Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The power of my boobs compel you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
