you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
