then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
