Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
