I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
