I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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