I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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