How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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