Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
