I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
