god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
