Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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