So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
