Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
