She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
