i barfeds in our rink
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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