the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
