my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
