"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
why is half of my head shaved?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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