this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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