He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
