i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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