We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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