Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Umm I'm too high to move.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I need to stop coming to work sober
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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