I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
