For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
