Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
