I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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